Monday, July 13, 2009

Day 7 July13, 2009

An hour after breakfast I am feeling hungry again. Only it’s not a hunger that resides in my stomach…and shouldn’t be. I had a bowl of oatmeal with a fresh peach for breakfast; I’m sure my stomach is still processing it all. So where does the hunger reside? It feels like it’s throughout my body. Maybe it’s not hunger at all…but a lightness of being. I’ve not been over-filling myself with food or going to food when I’m stressed. Now, I wake up hungry in the mornings. Maybe this thing that feels like hunger is actually energy in my system from not being bogged down with food.

If this is true, then I fear that I have been misinterpreting this feeling as hunger for many, many years. Especially when dieting. I feel sort of empty inside…and I have associated this feeling with hunger because it usually comes on when I consciously cut back on my food intake. Looking back, I see that this is what has driven me to the refrigerator after dieting for a period of time…only it didn’t go away right away, so an hour later I was back at the fridge again, then yet again an hour after that, until finally the feeling went away. If I stop and think about it, my stomach was way full – it wasn’t that I was hungry. When I diet, I eat really balanced and wholesome meals, so I know my body wasn’t craving nutrition. So this feeling could actually have been my natural energy emerging!

So here I sit, feeling my natural energy. It is subtle and gentle. When I am high on chocolate, I can feel it in my eyes –physical pressure behind my eyeballs, totally focused, wider open. I can feel it in my head – I am very driven and intense. I can feel it in my heart – it seems to beat a bit faster, propelling me along. I don’t’ feel any of these things now. I am present, I can witness, I have perspective. I know there are many things that I want to get done today, yet I am not worried. I will move gently and consistently throughout my day. I feel that I am in a state of….peace and joy.

Interesting that this feeling of peace and joy does not diminish my passion for life. I’ve always associated that hard driving chocolate high with passion. If that were gone, would it take away my passion as well? Apparently not! I am very excited about working on the items on my to-do list, which consists of activities like working for my entrepreneur and on my own Reiki business, along with the more mundane, like backing up my documents and cleaning the house. It’s all good…it’s good because I’m present with it all.


Aprils Song said...

Hi Joyce... just caught up on your blog. I am fascinated with your observational journey with your "natural energy". Thank you for sharing yourself with us. :-)

Aprils Song said...

I love you!